Reflection

Reflection of my essay: 

     I rewrote my essay, and spent a lot of time on it. I made many changes compete with the original one. 
I checked all of the grammar mistakes in the first paragraph with Mrs. Swift that day, and I am pretty confident with my first paragraph now. I added my thesis statement: “Because of (cancel “two) Olivia and Lilo’s gentleness and patience, Lorenzo and Stitch open their minds and become to more caring people” at the end of the first paragraph so that it could be a complete introductory paragraph now. 

      I added more analysis in my two body paragraphs and canceled many of my summaries. 
I am sure that my first sentences and the last sentences in those two body paragraphs are analysis, and connect with my thesis. I use many analytical words such as show, portray and indicate to make my analysis stronger than before. The ratio of summary vs. analysis is about 1:1 which is much better than before. And I choose a different event of Lorenzo which is the terrible experience of learning swimming in his childhood. In order to explain what makes he become to an isolated and quiet boy. In my opinion this is good because lots of people write about what he does in his new school and old school which just his appearance action. It is difficult to analysis “why” by just looking at his actions, so that I choose to analysis his personality from the beginning. And I use “He cannot get involved with other people” take place of all the summary and details I wrote to show how he is different from normal children. I am not sure this is good or not, but at least; it makes me feel better when I read the new one. 

       For the second paragraph, I talk more about how Olivia does and how Lorenzo feels instead of what Lorenzo does to help Olivia. The reason why I did this change is because I think I should focus on Lorenzo. And I should think deeper by reading his metal activities. After all, most people change start from their mind, so that I choose to analyze from the very beginning again. I added one quote which I think is important: “But that evening I danced, and when I danced I felt something I’d never felt before. I felt alive-it took my breath away”(Ammaniti 143). This is about how Lorenzo feel and apparently shows how his mind changes that night.  I think this part I improve a lot.