2016年5月23日星期一

Peer review of Johnny's paper

          You did a good job! I really like your thesis which kind of gives readers a lesson that everything has two different sides which makes the world variable and colorful. You got this thesis by finding the deeper meaning of the poem, so that the thesis statement comes from the content part.
          By reading you paper, I can understand that you want people to see the different sizes/ perspectives of one thing. The thesis is pretty clear, and my suggestion is to make your thesis stronger which could help your aim of this paper become much clearer. So the way I suggest you to do that is taking of the words such as "should" and adding strong words in.
          The second paragraph talks about the meaning of the poem which analyzes profoundly but a little repetitive, and I can clearly understand the poem because of your analysis. And the quotes you chose are good because you chose the quotes that you can talk a lot about. My suggestions are what about combining those quotes together in order to make your analysis concise. Otherwise, readers might feel boring when they read this kind of similar quotes with similar analysis.
          And the other good thing which I noticed while I was reading your paper was you even pointed out the second meaning of the poem: "everything has reasons why it exists" which rises an upper level for your paper. And you use a metaphor to explain. You said everything is like a door, and on one side you need to pull it to open, however, when you stand at the other side of the door, then you need to push it to open which indicates that everything has two different sides, and no matter which side you face, you should always remember that there is another side waiting for you to explore.
         Your analysis of the poem structure was pretty good. However, you forgot to say the rhyme scheme of this poem which is ABABCDCDEFEF, and it is kind of clear and strict. And I have a question that I wish you can answer in your paper: Number 1 and Number 5 are questions, and other lines are statements. Does the author mean to do that? I think you can analysis about it a little bit. 
You talk a lot about the meaning of the poem, maybe add more about the analysis of the way the author wrote the poem. But you have already written a lot of words, so maybe cannel some repetitive sentences before you add. 
        You can add a hook in your introduction paragraph to grab readers attention.
You have some grammar mistakes:
" He is not a famous poet, his poems are about everything in his life, he didn't focus on one specific topic, the poem I choose is about 11 pairs of thing." You should add the connect words such as "and" between the clauses you wrote. Besides, do not use abbreviation in you paper because this is a formal paper.
        Here are the things that I realized after reading your paper. Keep working hard, and I wish you can get a good grade!

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